Writing. In daily life it feels selfish. We all have jobs, commitments, broken bones (yes, I’ll tell that story another time), and FAMILY. We all have to give ourselves permission to “waste” hours that could have been better-spent cleaning house, studying up for a promotion, or going out with the kids. In my case, having just separated, I feel the pressure to be both parents. Don’t know how so many single moms cope with that.
Here are a few things that helped:
* Take care of the caregiver. If you are any sort of creative, not creating will make you tense. That tension leads to impatience. Writing helps process daily life and release the stress. Also, the type of self-examination we all do while writing–no matter what we write– helps us become better people, better parents.
* Accept your goals as valid. This is one I’ve been grappling with for several weeks now. My day job is both demanding and rewarding. If I achieve my writing goal … soon or someday … that will mean giving up this work helping others, at least doing it full time. Fact is, I feel an irrational guilt about taking my focus from working for the good of others and I recently had to really convince myself that I CAN go after my own happiness. If the time comes, I can volunteer.
No matter what your own mental roadblocks, as my writer-friend Peggy Chambers puts it,
“Give yourself permission to succeed.
* Accept your limits. When requests come in or special events loom, it’s so damn easy to want to set aside life to prepare, but I cannot make it to work and pay the bills if I am a zombie from editing til 3am. If it takes an extra week, it takes that. For me, this was the hardest pill to swallow but now that I’m past it, I feel so much better.
Over the past few weeks, I’ve been preparing my final manuscript for PARADOX through a foot surgery, collegian’s visit and the suicide crisis on the part of someone I love. Finding any time for editing has been a challenge, but in the back of my mind, I had the advantage of knowing that somebody was interested in my work, two somebodies … maybe a third. I developed a few strategies to help me through:
* Start the day with a scene. I’ve mentioned before that I write in scenes, with the building blocks of literary beats. In the morning, I can open a file in my iPad writing app and finish a quick, 400-word scene before I even get out of bed. I don’t open an existing file as that leads to editing, but always start a fresh file and write just one scene. That’s how I’ve written a few words in TRICKS OF LIGHT while still editing PARADOX.
* Edit on the go. With my iPad, I can theoretically write anywhere, but mostly I EDIT in odd places like waiting rooms, the car (while someone else is driving), coffee shops, etc. I can open a scene and edit it in five minutes. Big edits–like storyline and character arc revisions–need time and concentration. But if you think about it, your READERS will take in most scenes surrounded by daily distractions. Why not edit that way? Is the scene gripping you through the noise?
* Mix it up. After dinner when the family is in the living room together, on devices, I write. Right there with them. Believe me, I have perfect privacy. No clue how teens can stay so busy on a phone, but they do and interruptions are short, maybe a comic meme or political opinion breaks through now and then. The portability of your device is the key to this. For me, an iPad alone or with keyboard works. Some people like laptops, even phones with keyboards.
* Read good work, including your own. It will inspire you.
Sure, I prefer writing at home on a PC, feet up with “She Sells Sanctuary” blaring on a repeat loop for hours uninterrupted–but hey, I won’t get that luxury for awhile. My writing dream has to adapt.